7 Research Findings About Love
From 2019 to 2023, I dedicated most of my days and nights to researching love, both as a theory and as a practice. My interest in love research began with the inception of The Love Summit, a business and leadership conference I created in my role as Executive Director of Dream Change (2012-2018).
In 2019, I enrolled in University College London’s MSc Global Prosperity program, which would allow me to research love formally. My dissertation was centered on bell hooks’ theory of the love ethic, specifically in the context of social justice movements. Through my research, it was affirmed that there is diminutive discussion about love in our culture and its significance in societal systems, yet many of the great social justice movements throughout history emphasized a love ethic.
I began to uncover patterns of love-based leadership principles in the efforts of social justice leaders such as Gandhi, Mandela, and Martin Luther King Jr. In researching their approaches, as well as love as a theory and practice generally speaking, I was exposed to:
The different forms of love (as seen in ancient Greek philosophy),
The history and different conceptions of love (e.g., marrying as a business deal to marrying for eros/romantic love; Hollywood’s conception of love; spiritual/religious love; revolutionary love),
The psychology and behaviors of love (love as an emotion/feeling versus an action/practice), and, finally,
The different applications and expressions of love (in our personal lives, in our businesses, in our politics, and in the world).
As I researched further, it was affirmed that our conception of love is sorely misunderstood, and, as Martin Luther King Jr. emphasized, that this misconception is the primary barrier of society’s ability to adopt a love ethic.
Given my firm stance (via The Love Summit and otherwise) that it is in society’s best interest to adopt an ethic of love, I have been interested in elucidating what it means to experience, express, and practice love in its various forms, but especially agape love, which we can surmise as the highest form of love. I.e. the ‘one love’ or ultimate love; God’s love.
For a long time, but officially since the inception of The Love Summit, it has been my goal to highlight the importance of love as an ethic in all human relations – personal relations, business relations, and political relations; to underscore how each of these relations is inextricably connected. That we cannot choose to express love in one area and not the other and expect to have positive, integrated outcomes in our lives and in the world.
As such, it has been my mission to bring love to the mainstream in a way that is approachable for everyone, no matter their spiritual/religious beliefs or sociocultural background. That’s why I created a business and leadership conference that would discuss love in an unassuming setting; perhaps the most neutral setting – a business setting. To bring to light that love is not only to be unveiled at home with our children or spouse, at church, in a drum circle, ayahuasca ceremony or yoga class.
Love is not reserved for romance, familial relations or friendships, nor is it exclusive to settings designated for those who declare themselves religious or spiritual. Love touches everything and is inherent in us all. Whether we are conscious of it or not, the attainment of love – the feeling of harmony, connection, and purpose it brings to our lives – is the fundamental driver behind everything we do. We all want to feel love, both at home and at work. It is the core desire of every human being; the common thread that connects us all.
My 7 primary research findings about love in the last few years include:
Love is not merely an emotion or a feeling; love is an action and a practice that we choose to engage in, with accountability and responsibility.
Love and abuse cannot coexist. Because abuse and neglect are diametrically opposed to love, we cannot claim to love if we are hurtful and abusive. (bell hooks)
Compassion and self-compassion are requisites to love and a more loving world.
Self-compassion is cultivated through nurturing, loving environments, and with the support of people who truly love and care for us.
The notion of self-love, if misunderstood, can hinder love as it has the potential to:
Confuse us into thinking that we are not worthy of love from others until we love ourselves.
Make us believe we need to cultivate love on our own, without help from the outside.
Encourage isolation by negating the essentialness of community, interdependence, and our need for one another.
Cause excessive self-focus (narcissism); the opposite of love.
Love cannot be decoupled from spirituality; nothing is actually secular. Love is an inherently spiritual practice as it reminds us that we are a part of a greater whole, an independent web of life that thrives from loving action. Spirituality is the antidote to the narrative of secular individualism, which creates a culture of self-centeredness and isolation, leaving us dissatisfied and holding onto the myth that the pursuit of the material will bring happiness. Moreover, there is nothing we can do in life that isn’t informed by that which is greater than us; by the essentially connected, interwoven tapestry of life and its creator.
The key to love and a more loving world is seeing ourselves in the Other, and expanding beyond the self to serve and help one another.
While I postulate that these findings will not change, the research continues. There is more to share from my stretch of research from 2019 to 2023, and there will certainly be findings to share from the research I am embarking on this year.
For now, I hope you’ll go forward with love. If you’re not sure where to start, you can begin by doing your best to practice these 10 principles daily, both at home and at work. You can also book a coaching or consulting session with me.
Be patient with yourself. Love isn’t easy, but, from what I’ve learned and experienced, it’s worth it.
With love,
Samantha
References
Fromm, E. (1956). The Art of Loving. New York, NY. Harper & Row, Inc.
Han, B. (2017). The Agony of Eros. Cambridge, MA. MIT Press.
hooks, b. (2001a). All About Love: New visions. London, UK. The Women’s Press.
Inwood, J. (2009). Searching for the Promised Land: Examining Dr Martin Luther King’s Concept of the Beloved Community. Department of Geology and Geography. Auburn University. Auburn, AL. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-8330.2009.00684.x
Keltner, D., Marsh, J., Smith, J. (2010). The Compassionate Instinct: The Science of Human Goodness. New York, NY. W.W. Norton & Company, Inc.
May, Simon. (2011). Love: A History. New Haven, CT. Yale University Press.
Peck, M.S. (1978). The Road Less Traveled, Timeless Edition: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth. New York, NY. Simon & Schuster.
Schoder, M. (2010). Paulo Freire’s Pedagogy of Love. The Graduate School of Education in Social and Philosophical Foundations. Rutgers University.
Seppala, E. M., Simon-Thomas, E., Brown, S. L., Worline, M. C., Cameron, C. D., & Doty, J. R. (2017). The Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science. Oxford University Press. DOI: 10.1093/oxfordhb/9780190464684.001.0001
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